Workplace Conflict: Why the Problem Might Be You (and That’s Good News)

We’ve all been there. The colleague who doesn’t deliver fast enough. The peer who ignores your concerns. The team member who doesn’t seem to understand the market. Frustration builds, and soon you’re convinced the problem lies entirely with them.

That’s how workplace conflict often feels. A loop where someone else holds all the power, and you’re left waiting for them to change. Spoiler alert: they rarely do.

But what if the way out isn’t about fixing them at all? What if it starts with you?

We’re not talking about self-blame or letting others off the hook. Absolutely not, that solves nothing. What if I said it’s about regaining influence. Because when you put all the blame on someone else, you also hand them all the control. And as a leader, staying stuck in blame is the surest way to shrink your options.

Here’s the cheat code I wish someone had given me years ago: mirroring.

What the heck is mirroring, Ginny, and how does it work in practice?

It’s simpler than it sounds. You take the frustrations you have with someone else, “They don’t move fast enough,” “They ignore my input,” “They don’t get the market” and you flip them back onto yourself.

So “They don’t move fast enough” becomes “I’m not moving fast enough.” “They don’t get the market” becomes “I don’t get the market.”

Then you ask the uncomfortable but powerful question: “In what way might this be true?”

That tiny shift doesn’t mean you’re suddenly the villain. It just forces your brain to stop looping in blame and start looking at where you still have influence. And that’s the secret, mirroring puts you back in the driver’s seat.

Why this works

At first, it feels like swallowing humble pie. It’s so much easier to keep the focus on the other person’s shortcomings. But mirroring forces you to shift perspective. Instead of circling in blame, you start to notice where you still have agency.

• Maybe you’ve been slow to set clear expectations.

• Maybe you’ve dismissed their input as quickly as you accuse them of dismissing yours.

• Maybe you haven’t truly sought to understand their pressures or priorities.

You’re not taking fault for everything, you’re just widening the lens to see what’s still in your control.

Self-awareness as a leadership tool

Conflict isn’t just about who’s right or wrong. It’s about awareness. When you forget to turn the mirror on yourself, you lose sight of your own patterns and how they affect others.

Self-aware leaders ask: What if I shifted something here… my pace, my tone, my assumptions, and what might change?

Because here’s the uncomfortable truth: if you make it all about the other person, you cut off your own resourcefulness. You reduce your choices to “wait for them to improve” or “stay stuck.” Mirroring opens up new routes forward.

Tip: Try the three-question check

When frustration flares, run through these quick prompts:

1. Speed: Am I moving quickly enough, or is my own delay fuelling theirs?

2. Understanding: Do I really understand their view of the market, or am I assuming?

3. Respect: Do I genuinely respect where they’re coming from?

Even one “yes” can shift the whole dynamic.

But, what if nothing changes?

Sometimes you’ll mirror, reflect, and still feel stuck. That happens. But if you’ve genuinely tested the exercise and still see no overlap, at least you know you’ve explored every angle in your control. You’ll walk away clearer, lighter, and more certain of your next move.

And that’s the point. Mirroring isn’t a magic wand that erases conflict. It’s a way of shifting your lens, seeing the parts you can influence, and stepping back into leadership rather than frustration.

The Hard Truth About Conflict

Workplace conflict is inevitable. You’ll never avoid it entirely. But how you handle it is where leadership shows up.

Blaming others might feel satisfying in the moment, but it keeps you stuck. Mirroring puts the spotlight back on your own influence — sometimes uncomfortably so — and that’s where real shifts happen.

So next time a colleague drives you round the bend, resist the urge to point the finger straight out. Turn the mirror first. You might be surprised at what changes when you change, too.