Are you the one my clients talk about in their sessions?

I can name a wall of 'villains' instantly. These are the people who can have recurring walk-on parts in coaching sessions. These walk-on parts are because their behaviour constantly resurfaces as causing obstacles for my clients, their colleagues.

Now, setting aside all the 'how are you responsible for this relationship', 'what part do you play' 'what's not their fault in your reaction' and all those other reflections client and I explore. Sometimes people are jerks. Are you secretly, even to yourself, one of them?

Here's a list of bad behaviour, in no particular order that comes to to mind.

1. Consistently cancelling performance reviews for your most able people, often at short notice, airily telling them they are doing a great job so it's not necessary. You are failing to provide intelligence though, attention, career progression and leadership stretch for them, you keep them where they are at and you will lose them. They hate it.

2. Pulling people out of meetings because your thing is more important than their commitments. Once or twice maybe but as a management style, seriously? Not only do you disrespect what they are doing, you are flexing your authority to remind them they are less important than you. There will be all sorts of hidden consequences for this; growing a team of inspired, creative, self managing people is not one of them.

3. Losing your shit as a go-to response. I'm all for expressing emotion, even getting angry, no issue here. What's hideous is when you are a regular offender; abruptly cutting people short, threatening with raising your voice, demanding stuff gets done, shouting about how things are not good enough - all done in the manner that says 'I am not at fault here, it is you and you who will sort this out or else' (indicating some unspecified gruesome consequence for them).

4. Stop with the cc'ing authority in to throw your colleague under the bus and to avoid dealing with whatever the issue is respectfully yourself! It's passive aggressive and is creating even more resistance in them than you were experiencing before. And everyone knows you are doing it, you might as well signpost it, it's that obvious.

5. Getting junior people into present to you all without any awareness of how terrifying it is for them. They agonise over presentations, over what they are going to be asked, if they will be exposed, it's a total ordeal for them - is that what you want them to be focussing on? Do you or your colleagues have any clue what it's like for them to present to you? Or worse, do you actually know and quite like people are a bit scared of you? You're going to get constipated creativity if your people are trying to avoid being called out rather than enter into a useful discussion at a senior level - and think of all the intel you are NOT getting because they are afraid.

6. Land grabbing. Underneath it all you're a little bit insecure about your position/skills/likability so you take credit for others work - not overtly, but with a smile or a raised eyebrow inference. You're hard to collaborate with, others get their fingers burned. you'll know this might be you if people don't easily share their ideas with you or shoot you furious glances in meetings, that you affect not to see.

7. Hiring a coach to 'sort out' a tricky direct report who you find impossible to manage. What's your role in that? How are you making life hard for them? How will you support them? What are the hard conversations you need to have with yourself? They might be tricky, but they won't be doing it all by themselves, it'll be you too. Do not be washing your hands of this.

That'll do for now. You're not a bad person, but you, like the rest of us, might need to look at yourself, obviously I can help you do that:)